When boys are fighting battles, building space forts, or hurling various balls at themselves and others in their latest version of the “throw balls at ourselves until someone cries” game, one truth always remains:
All bodily functions shall be ignored.
When it comes to boys, nature’s call is falling on deaf ears. Most of the time, in fact, nature is probably yelling her lungs out, to no avail. Boys march on.
On to the top of the playhouse, where they can drop “water balloons” they manufactured out of ziplock bags stolen from mom’s kitchen. On to race the neighbor kid who has one of those new “waveboard” skateboards with only two wheels that you zig-zag wiggle to make it go. (Seriously, why don’t they just go ahead and call this thing the “ER Blaster” and include a coupon for a discounted hospital copay.) On to drawing up the driveway with enough chalk to line every SEC football field on a Saturday in October.
Possibly stopping to pee on the fence behind the air conditioner (only if certain death from bladder rupture is imminent). But definitely not wasting time to visit the potty. Boys are marching on.
The all-time classic potty postponement occurs each evening while the bathtub is filling. Every single night I tell the brothers “Go pee before you get in the tub. Do you have to pee?” Every night the brothers adamantly deny this seemingly preposterous possibility, brushing me aside like asparagus blocking the way to their brownies. No way, dad. We don’t gotta pee. We got a Hot Wheels track that needs to ramp down the waterfall into the ocean. We got a tiny sponge that says it will grow into a humongous red crab. We got a Diego walkie talkie that isn’t supposed to get wet but it’s gettin’ wet anyway. WE GOTTA PLAY IN THE TUB, DAD!!!
So, I step aside and let ‘em in, like I’m the ticket taker at the “Typhoon Lagoon – Warm Bathwater Hallway Blast” attraction or something.
And then I wait 17 seconds. Some nights, maybe 18 or 19.
“DAAAAAAD!!! I GOTTA PEEEEEE!!!!!!!!”
Yes, I already knew that. Not really because it’s happened every night for like seven years now… Just because boys never wanna go when they actually have to go.